


Echoes Of Silence

by veesso_espresso_and_depresso



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, M/M, Multi, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 23:21:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29990376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veesso_espresso_and_depresso/pseuds/veesso_espresso_and_depresso
Summary: Hyunjin knew he had a fragile mentality, many told him that but this time he was determined to not show it to anyone. Work on himself, his mistakes and become valuable.orThe aftermath of the scandals
Relationships: Bang Chan/Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Hwang Hyunjin/Everyone, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin, Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix, Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin/Seo Changbin, Hwang Hyunjin/Yang Jeongin | I.N
Kudos: 26





	Echoes Of Silence

**Author's Note:**

> next chapters will be longer

Bile was rising in his throat, desperately trying to see through the blurry vision knuckles turning white from how tightly the grip on the phone was. Failing on swallowing the lump, every breath felt like a missed stair step, heart leaping every time his thumb scrolled. It was inevitable, he knew that this would haunt him from the first time it happened. But what hurt the most was that they weren’t wrong, he did those things he was a rich privileged kid, but not anymore, now that he looks at his demonised past, there no other feeling then utter shame. A knock on the door took him out of the self-pity, “You know just because you´re hiding in there, won´t mean you will have to come out and face us”, said the bitter voice from the other side. 

The us no longer was that us as in them altogether, it was an us versus him. It served him right, was the only thought that came to mind. After everything that happened, it was he who fucked them over, sure an apology and some talk could help the others but not him. What he was not some uneducated comment or dumb mistake that only antis would remember, and those who truly were hurt by their past actions and didn’t have the courage to forgive. 

It’s over… in a few hours, he will be calling his mother asking whether she has arrived to pick him up, whether she can help him to bring his bags down or if he can do it by himself. Another knock echoed in the tiny bathroom, shut his eyes, took a breath, swallowed, no, another breath. The lock clicked itself before he could even reach it, “Chan already left, I think I should walk you there instead of you going yourself, right?”, questioned the male putting away the bobby pin down his pocket. Hyunjin wanted to look up, to see what his face looked like, remember it as it is without layers of makeup, photo and video retouching; since that is probably the only way he will ever see his friend ever again after this, not in real life, but at home on a screen or concert if he dared to even show up. 

“You know I really don´t want to press, but we really better to get going, and it better be fast, or you don´t want to be late, do?” Despite the roughness of his words, the tone was soft as if Changbin was approaching a dear that has been hit by his car. 

Something warm and soft to touch his neck, the warmth to his skin on his chest, to his stomach. Shocked upon the action he choked on his gasp; that didn’t go unnoticed, as the embrace was quickly gone, just as abruptly as it came, replaced by cool air hitting his neck and spreading throughout his body, to his fingertips that still stung from clutching his phone that hard. Instead of asking another question that seemingly would go ignored, and arm clutched around his elbow, the rapper pursued on slowly dragging him into the halfway, kicking his shoes gently so that he could at least toe them on himself.

They didn’t walk for long, yet they walked fast, as the grip remained on his arm, and the cool spring air hitting his face. He knew he shouldn’t be dragged there, it is his doings, his decision, his walk to make. 

The setting sun didn’t look that pretty anymore, flares reflecting on the glass windows, outside was nice. Despite the cool, the smell of the asphalt from the molten snow and traffic his senses, it was so quiet yet so loud. His final walk, accompanied by his friend to his executor, who’d butch his chance of doing something with his life, he was his on the executor, he did it himself, he chose to say what he said, he chose to not care for consequences.   
Not only once, did he look up, perhaps in chances that this is all a sick prank, and he´s just being led somewhere he doesn’t know, where there will be a bunch of cameras and laughing friends. Yet, that’s not the case, he knows exactly where he´s going, where Changbin is taking him, he doesn’t want to look where he walking, trusting his soon to be just an acquaintance to take him there. 

He didn’t notice, how he entered the usually warm, but now so cold, building, he didn’t notice the happy noise from the elevator. The grip on his now forearm tightened before weakening and letting go completely. He chose to steak “When I move out, do you still want to keep contact, I mean you don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to I just…” He traced off not knowing how to continue surprised he could even build up the courage for what he knew would be onesided conversion, “You know actually, it cool if you won´t, trust me I understand tha- ” He was interrupted by his friend clearing his throat, “Would you cut it, you know nothing like that will actually happen, sure you won’t be showered in compliments and promises, but you’re still my friend, and that won’t change” He took a pause, “But we will talk la-” He never finished as the elevator signalled that they have arrived at their destination, setting Hyunijns heart to a race, and some force gaging him from within. Realization settling in as his legs were now walking on automat, leaving Changbin behind, and hearing the elevator doors closing. 

Walking into the meeting room alone was one thing, meeting Park Jin-young in this setting is another. Both of the figures sitting at the end of what feels like an endless table, the second figure is looking down, visually stiff upon his arrival, playing with an ink pen, slowly rolling it back and forth on the stack of papers. He quickly cast a glimpse on sheets but he was too far away to see what they said. His observation haltered with an impatient cough, setting Hyunjin into resuming to walk closer to his spot. Neither of them making eye contact, one looked like he was trying uncharacteristically his hardest to avoid any interaction, the other starting to stack the slightly scattered papers. 

Hyunjin sank down the chair, appreciating the final moments in this place, trying his hardest to important the details of the room, the who sat across, the uncomfortable chair; anything that would slowly ground and stay in his memory for life as his last of this place. 

The older man took a deep breath, and Chan finally shifted his focus from the pen fully on his so-called boss, Hyunjin following the suit. “So, I hope you understand why you are here, and I also hope that you understand what will happen…” The room is met with dead silence and no response, making it hard to understand whether it was meant to be a rhetorical question or not, “So you have the guts to say the shit you did, but not respond to the elders?”, the man questioned, so it wasn’t rhetorical. 

“Yes”, was all he could squeeze out of his throat without setting off the same effect that happened earlier in the bathroom at the dorms. He realized how desperately he wanted Chan, his leader, his hyung, his self proclaimed older brother to at least look at him, spare him a glance even if it will be filled with disappointment or even disgust. Was this how Woojin felt? Did Hyunjin deserve the same verdict, were the papers here to remind for the depth he has for all the living expenses, lessons and activities on behalf of JYP he didn’t pay back for, was the ink pen his executer from this place; a permanent dark mark that will never let him do what he did to this day, despite the company or public. 

“Good, then let’s start discussing what we will do, e and Chan have had a small talk since you have decided that it was fine for you to be late” The man shifted in his seat to sit straight up, “I want you to tell me everything there is to disappoint me in, and I if deem it worthy for the sake of the company, I might set off an investigation… But if there is anything that you don’t tell me now and it comes up later, it will a different talk” 

So tells everything, the exact thing he said over a year ago to his then leader, one the older tried to calmly investigate his first scandal. He told everything; about the stupid things he said as a child, the so-called friends he had, the alleged fight he never actually wanted to take part in. Just everything he regretted doing, and looking back it, it was simply immature behaviour and now he would definitely scold his younger self. After he was done, deathly cold silence followed. Lowering his gaze at his sweaty palms that he desperately tried to dry off with his jean-clad knees. 

Park Jin-youngs loud breathing was the only thing that kept Hyunjin grounded, he still was not sure if it was acceptable for him to look up at the opposite side of the table. Even though there was nothing else he wanted more than at least a glance from the person he thought cared about him.

The walk home, to say the least, was awkward; as it turns out, it is like a particularly loud dripping faucet or the slightly uneven edge of a table; once he’s noticed it, it turns out that it’s impossible to ignore. The walk home was as humiliating as the walk to the company. Park Jin-young concluded that he will be put under investigation and his stay might be temporary as he is put under a probation period unless he can prove to the man that Hyunjin wasn’t a mistake. A mistake, that was one of the few things Hyunjin managed to pick up, as his brain was racing through miles. 

Without context, people would probably think Hyunjin is stalking Chan since it looked like the was clearly following him and that the man was not having it. Note that the man would speedup every time he came too close, gave Hyunjin an idea that there is a distance he must respect and if not, he wasn’t sure what the consequences would be.

The sun already set by now and the yellow light of the sun was replaced by the lamposts illuminating the street in an uneven pattern. If he would get jumped by anyone in the short darkness between the small suns, he wouldn’t mind. He would do anything not to hear the sheer disappointment that is to come from the voices that belong to people he so much treasures. He heard the dorm room slam, as his heart now slowing down to a what would be certainly alarming speed if not the situation he was in, walking up the stair to quietly walk in. 

He felt like was walking up the stairs yet missing a step, stomach-dropping for a second, but that second stretching out into minutes as he passed through the door opening.

**Author's Note:**

> Im writing his feeling from my past experiences of the emotions, anyway uwu thank u for reading I'll see u soon


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